Paradox
by kahnor
Summary: What if Gordon hadnt gone throught the test? Slept through it in his dorm? This is what...
1. missed call

Gordon.

Gordon..

Gordon…….

"Gordon get up! You missed the test" Barney screamed. Gordon was silent. "Gordon, you had better start talking! Everyone is dead, Gordon!" he still did not't talk. "Gordon the test… something went wrong. It all just went so slow." "What happened?" Gordon finally said. "These…these, things ,aliens, they started popping out of nowhere. Before I knew it everyone was dead." Gordon sat there taking it in.

"I'm sorry Gordon. Your girlfriend is dead." Barney sadly whispered. "Those fucking idiots! They went and killed them, killed them all! I saw them with that man; he must have been the supervisor. Well I bet he's dead, I hope he is." Gordon said in one of his rare outbursts. "I got you something though." Barney pulled out a Glock. "Thanks."

He yelled. "Oh yeah, here's your suit, I picked up one to while I was there" Barney pulled it out from his pack. "You're lucky these things are one size fits all" he exclaimed. "Gordon I'm sorry about…"

"It's OK Barney, now let's go kick some alien ass!" he yelled

so should I continue it?


	2. Why?

"what the hell?!" Gordon screamed. "thats one of those alien, things, I told you about!" Barney told him. It appeared harmless, small, four legs and a semi-circle body. It had barbed feet, and it seamed to rock back and forth gently. It had a large mouth with a circular row of teeth. "Gordon that thing may look harmless, but I ran in to at least five of them, and they jumped for my head, fiercely!"

"fuck" Gordon whispered under his breath. "shoot it Gordon!" Barney screamed then shot and missed it. Gordon took two shots at it, and both hit. "Nice shot." Barney told him. Gordon just wiped the blood off himself, then walked through the corridor of his dorm.

" Gordon, I never understood why you black mesa scientists took firearm classes. I can understand security taking it easily, but a scientists?" Barney said to him. "tell you later." Gordon replied. "I wonder if anyone survived that giant explosion, besides us?" Barney asked not expecting any reply from him.

"G...Gor...Gordon? Is that you? And Barney?" they heard come from a blocked room. "Breen?" Gordon said unknowingly. "Yes It's me Mr. Freeman. Help me out of here or your fired!" Breen said from behind all of the rubble. "not much use having a job right now Doctor, is it?" Please get me out of here, I know the entire layout of black-mesa. I can get you out of here safely! Just please help me out, I have a family Gordon!"

"fine." Gordon said to Breen . "Gordon think of what your doing, this is the man that ruined this place. He Authorized this entire thing, the test was his fault!" Barney said to him. "I'm willing to take a chance." Gordon replied. "Good choice Gordon, you will not regret it..."


	3. Breen

"Breen, how did you get in that room? It was barricaded from the outside." Barney asked him.

"well as soon as I heard an explosion I hid in that armory." I took a grenade, pulled out the pin then threw it. Then I got under the desk. I guess the explosion" he replied.

Barney thought of a response but couldn't think of one. Then he turned to Breen, "So whats the plan "Doctor" Breen." he said sarcastically.

" ME, you expect me to have one! I'm a man of science not a Militarily instructor Calhoun. Thinking is what I pay you insolent fools to do!" Breen explained in a voice that indicated he was oblivious to what was happening.

"You know Breen you are a total dick. You think you can boss us around, you don't realize this may end the world. But you think that you're the "big man" ,well you're not Breen. You're just a lowly, pitiful, excuse for a man!" Barney said almost screaming.

"you don't know wha..." Breen started but was interrupted by a loud, ear rupturing, screech from behind.

It was a small round creature. it had two legs, and a small arm in the center. It had a prism like eye that had a magenta sort of tint to it. It seamed to communicate in screeches and howls. Also it had teal stripes on its back side.

"Fuck, I saw one of those eating Cooy. I'm gonna be sick." Barney said


	4. Contact

Again here is another What if? Chapter I've taken all the reviews in to account, and have tried to fix most of the problems. Enjoy.

What if?

Chapter: 4

Contact

To: United Marine Displacement Center.

Date: 2-13-06 8:13 AM

------------- Subject: Send Help Please. --------------

This is Gordon Freeman, of the black mesa research facility.

We have encountered a problem in our teleportation experiment.

Here are a few of the problems

-----Incident report-----

Mass death count

Creatures of unknown origin

Large Geiger Count

Lost most outside communication

Large damage to all Black Mesa equipment

----- Actions taken -----

Reduction in population of unknown creatures

Search and rescue

Attempts of survival

----- survived-----

DR. Breen

Freeman

Barney Calhoun

Eli Vance

DR. Isaac Kleiner

Alyx Vance

Please send us help.

To: Doctor Gordon freeman

Date: 2-13-06 8:52 AM

-------------Subject: RE: Please send help -------------

Dear MR. Freeman,

We at the UMDC have taken your situation into very deap thought and have approved the following action.

------------- Actions taken -------------

Immediate dispatch of all US Marines.

------------- Mission -------------

Have been sent with the mission of terminating all creatures without Marine Clearance

----- Clearance -----

DR. Breen

MR. Freeman, stay in the area you are and await Marine units to Dispatch then terminate you and all the employees of Black Mesa.

Sincerely,

Dwight T. Barnes

US Marine Dispatch


	5. Hostiles

"Crap" Gordon said.

"what" Barney and Breen seemed to say at the same time.

"Th...th...the government, the... they turned on "US". There killing the Black Mesa Personnel!" Gordon yelled. Just as he said those words, Two marines came busting through the sealing.

"Get on the floor!" one said in a voice, muffled by his gas mask. "Get down and close your eyes, this won't be pretty... heh.

one went over to the other part of the room

"Adrian come look at this!" A larger one said.

"What is it?!" "Adrian" replied

"its some kind of creature, its kind of cute." the larger one replied

"We were told to... AH get it of me, its... AHH my head, Fuck its crack!" were Adrian's last words.

"Holy crap it... it ate his head!" the larger one replied.

Then the former Adrian rose off of the ground. A large mouth where his chest used to be. Claws came out the ends of his fingers. The creature grew three times its normal size. There was no resemblance of Adrian left.

"Adrian, I don't want to hurt you. we... we can help you." the marine said.

He tried to yell "help me, for the love of god!" but all they heard was extremely terrifying growls.

The marine shot at him but was to late. It killed him to quickly.

"_freeman. Be free man."_ Gordon heard in his head. "weird' Gordon said.

"We should go, while that _thing_ is distracted" Barney whispered.


	6. Hazard

"Gordon, how come you're the only one with a gun?" Barney asked.

"well thats an easy one Barney, I have a _Hazard suit!" _Gordon screamed.

" But that makes no sense! We should have guns, theres more of a chance that without guns, WE'LL DIE" Barney yelled.

"Well... Um... uh... OH look there's an Armory." Gordon changed the subject.

"Oh yeah, there is one." Breen said. He just wanted them to shut up.

As soon as they were Quite they went in to the armory. "This is a complete coincidence, Isn't it" Gordon said to them both.

"yeah. Oh my god, Hazard suits! Yay!" Barney said.

Breen and Barney Put on the suits, then they all Grabbed the guns. "well we have guns, suits and our dignity back, so lets go kill those Bastards." Barney said.

"Why would someone make a giant lab like this, and not have more then 2 or 3 exits?" Gordon asked.

"Well, when we made the blue-prints for black mesa, we kind of didn't think of safety. We thought since were near Mexico we would make one of those factories where we would hire slaves, and not have to care." Breen replied.

Gordon kind of just got pissed, twitched a little, and stayed quite. Barney yelled for a while, then punched Breen. Breen just stayed to himself so he would not get beat up. Then they finally found an alien.

"holy th...that thing is huge!" Barney said. It was, the thing was at least 18 feet tall. It had three arms, and it had a giant eye that shot a huge beam at a guard above.

"God help Me!" were the guards last words before being engulfed in a giant beam of light. There was nothing left of the guard that challenged the creature. There was no use shooting the thing it would just kill them.

"We can throw that switch up there but we first need to turn on the power." Gordon said.

"well thats stupid! We should just go and get killed. you do realize that we're probably going to get killed worse." Barney said.

Then they heard the guard, "help!"


	7. Gargauntua

Wow two months whered they go well I didn't forget you all so heres a weird what if

Chapter seven: Gargantua

"I…I just wanted to stay home." The guard said. "A sick excuse… on my way out… I remember hearing screaming and then a… a huge explosion…" his last words.

"Leave him." Gordon said without feeling.

"That man gave his life for nothing…" Barney said. "We should at least burn his body!"

"Where the hell's Breen?" Barney said.

"Right here." Gordon said pulling up a table.

"Breen, should we ditch you here?" Barney asked. "I'd be glad to do that."

"Don't talk to me tha…" he said but barney shot his foot.

"AHH!" he screamed. "You shot me!"

"Yes yes I did!"

"shut up!" Gordon yelled. They did.

"WE need to take that down somehow. Maybe we can restore the power grid and turn on that switch." Gordon said.

"It'll be dangerous but if we go fast we might make it… maybe not Breen."

"I feel like this is some weird plot for some videogame shooter" Barney said.

"That is because you are retarded." Breen said.

"Stop fighting do you realize this might be the end of the world"

"_nooooo._" Breen said


	8. Missplacement

Just because I love you all heres another one. They seem to get less and less serious every time.

"this was a triumph, I"m making a note here huge success, its hard to ove.."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" yelled Gordon to Barney. "I hate that song."

"Well, so... how do you shut down the Grid Gordon? I'd Ask our "administrator" But I've found that he's useless." Said Barney.

"Well we might..."

"Help me is anyone out there?" yelled someone.

"Dammit whats with all the interruptions." Gordon yelled.

"Gordon, That sounds like... Dr. K. We should help him.

"But he'll just slow us down, I already gotta Drag Dr. Breen in this wagon." Gordon said.

"well I want to help hi..."

"Don't make fun of me!" Breen Screamed.

"I SAID NO MORE INTERUPTIONS! For that Were gonna leave you. I was getting tired of having answer to your dialog anyway." Gordon said.

"What are you... Hey Don't leave me!" Breen said.

1 whole hour later!

"Thanks for saving Me you two, I was gonna be a goner." Said Dr. Kleiner.

"well we Were forced to by some magical force from above. Specifically a 13 year old boy from Washington." Said Barney.

"OOOOkay." They both said and stepped away from him.

Meanwhile...

"Help me please!" Breen said. "My Butts asleep!"

Just as he said that a man stepped in, He wore a fancy, out of date suit. He Had a tie, Which he straightened often. He had a suitcase, with The Black Mesa symbol on it. Even though the place was a mess, He was perfectly groomed.

"I'd like to make a little deal with you, Mr. Breen."


	9. Goverment work

Okay lets try this again

To:

Subject: HELP!

Dear Mr. President, I think we need some help. Im gonna put this in terms you can understand:

WE GONNA DIE IF WE DONT GET HLP!

Sincerely,

Gordon freeman :)

From:

subject: re:HELP!

IMA COMMIN!

"... Ohh shit!"

"What" said Barney

"They're sending... George Bush." He said.

"Ohh crap!"

"I KNOW!" said Gordon.

Meanwhile

"Cheney, Cover for me. And if I don't make it back, tell Mama I love 'er." Said Bush.

"Fine **bitch** cough" He said.

Meanwhile again...

"Ride pony ride!" Yelled Breen, who, of course was riding a Bullsquid.

"Mr. Breen, I have an offer you might find interesting. Have you ever thought of ruling the earth?" the man said.

"Not a-once." Breen said "actually, I rarely think, I leave that to my assistants."

"It has good health benefits, and it comes with your own TV show!" The Man said in reply.

"Why does this scientist keep following us and stating the words "They said" a lot" Breen asked.

"Ignore him" he said, while massaging his temples.

"can I make people in to freaks with lasers that shoot out of their face and their legs are made of metal, and ditto for their arms?" Breen asked.

"FINE!" The man screamed.

"Fine, but whats your name?" Breen asked.

"Thats easy it's... galk;fgjlk;fjlgkjurifhjd;kgjkghfdigyeruruiofdnvcjx,bauifdn manjhgyfuhbvfjb." said galk;fgjlk;fjlgkjurifhjd;kgjkghfdigyeruruiofdnvcjx,bauifdn manjhgyfuhbvfjb.

"I'm gunna cl u G-MAN!" he said.


	10. last paradox?

20 years later...

"I'm glad I took that job from galk;fgjlk;fjlgkjurifhjd;kgjkghfdigyeruruiofdnvcjx,bauifdn manjhgyfuhbvfjb." said Breen.

"Mr. Breen, this man is here to see you." said one of the combine.

"Send him in."

"right away sir!" the metro cop said.

"whats you name?" Breen asked the man.

"It's me Eli! Don't you remember me, Poker night? Black mesa? That strip club in Vegas?!" Eli said.

"Oh yeah! Whatcha', so what've you been doing lately?" Breen asked.

"well mostly trying to find a way to..." Eli started.

"Why'd you stop?" Breen asked.

"look!"

"Oh shit counterstrike just nuked us!" Breen yeld as they evaporated.

Epilogue:

The G-man rode on a magic pony back to his home. Breen and Eli died. Gordon Married Glados. Counterstrike was pwned. Barney and doctor Kleiner were both lepers and they got all their skin ripped of. And Alyx died. The Metro cop bought a house in Maui and Married Dr. Mossman.

THE END?


	11. Chapter 11

Yet nother story….

Gordon…

Gordon…

gordon…

"WAKE THE FUDGEICLES! UPS!" yelled Barney,

"What?!" he yelled half awake.

"So that was all a dream?" Gordon asked.

"Ohh no no NO!! that was all real this is hell! No lets get this started ziiiiip"

"NO!!"

The end, seriously.

"Damn you writer!"


	12. Reboot

Hey guys, ive been doing some thinking, and I wanna contine this series. I wanna go back to the slight humor I used to use befor the last few chapters. Im gonna Start this, in 3,2,1…

Paradox

Chapter 12: Reboot

"Oww my head. How long have I been out?" Gordon asked the slightly concious Barney.

"How the hell should I know? I've been busy dying! Get me that med kit!' Barney yelled.

"Fine. That was weird man, the last thing I remember was seing this man in a suit, then I heard Breen Laughing, then its all blank. My ass hurts a lot, the weird thing is I fell asleep leaning on that stool on my stomach." Gordan exclaimed.

"That's weird, MY WHOLE BODY HURTS YOU IDIOT! Get the medkit!" Barney yelled at him.

Gordan stood up. "I wonder if my family is ok. Also I hope the internets still up, I gotta check to see if smosh is ok!" he said.

"Get the medkit!" Barney yelled.

Gordan looked at the counter. "What the hell is this?" he picked up the medkit and threw it at Barney.

"thank you god!"

Meanwhile!

"What does this "Ruler of the known universe" job pay?" Breen asked galk;fgjlk;fjlgkjurifhjd;kgjkghfdigyeruruiofdnvcjx,bauifdn manjhgyfuhbvfjb.

"You don't need pay you get whatever you want Hisssssss" said galk;fgjlk;fjlgkjurifhjd;kgjkghfdigyeruruiofdnvcjx,bauifdn manjhgyfuhbvfjb.

"Why did you just hiss" Breen asked.

"I do not knooooow what you *rasp* meeeeaan Hisssssss" replied galk;fgjlk;fjlgkjurifhjd;kgjkghfdigyeruruiofdnvcjx,bauifdn manjhgyfuhbvfjb.

"…"

Still meanwhile

"Mr Bush, you can't do this! What about your family?" Cheney said.

"What about em'? My wifes Fugley, and my girls are whores." Bush replied.

"you got me there. Sir, our osprey is almost at the L.Z., I want to tell you something" cheney said.

"What is it?"

"THIS IS SPARTA!" Cheney said then kicked George out of the plane.

"You bastard!"

STILL MEANWHILE!

"Gordon, we still have to focus on that Gargantua, I mean, if this were a book the writer must have forgotten about something. So how do we shut down the grid?" Barney asked

"We could either…" gorden said but was cut off by a crash coming through the ceiling.

"agh fuck!" barney said, after a brick landed on him. "I need a medkit!"

"here." He threw one at him.

"What the hell was that?" Barney asked

"This thaw -- took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." Said the man.

"Fuck, the president actually came here!"


End file.
